Love Me, Don't Leave Me by Wendy T. Behary

Author:Wendy T. Behary
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781608829545
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2014-08-01T04:00:00+00:00

Values-Based Behavior

This is one of my favorite parts of ACT. We all have core beliefs so it makes sense that we all have core values. Unfortunately, when you respond to a core belief–triggering event you are probably not behaving in a way that is in line with your values. I saw an example of this recently while watching a dating reality show. One of the women who was hoping to beat out the other ladies and win the heart of the eligible bachelor lashed out at one of the hair stylists (who turned out to be the bachelor’s sister) in a fit of frustration. Of course, her actions were reported to the bachelor. He confronted the woman, who was horrified and extremely apologetic. She said to him, “That’s not who I really am. That’s not how I normally behave. That behavior is inconsistent with my beliefs.” Those words stuck with me. Clearly, she was in a situation that triggered her core beliefs, and she found herself behaving in a way that didn’t represent her or her values well. It can happen to the best of us. But, by identifying and focusing on your core values, you can live and engage in relationships in ways that are based on your core values. When your core beliefs get triggered, the emotions that you experience can be so overwhelming that you aren’t considering your values when you react.

This is your motivation to change your behavior. By getting in touch with your core values and committing to living a values-driven life you can stop resorting to your old core belief–driven behaviors. As you identify and assess your values, keep in mind that these are personal to you—they should not be dictated by social norms, what you “think” you should value, or the expectations of other people.

Here’s the deal—and we’ve all heard this before—there are no guarantees in life. So even if you are behaving in line with your values, things may not always go your way. That’s the bad news. The good news is that they will go your way more often, and you will feel better about your behavior and your interactions. Why? Because your responses will be more helpful than your previous behavior and more in line with your values.

Identifying Your Values

Identifying your values is the beginning of creating a plan for behavioral change. Your values will drive your successful behavioral change. I have included a lengthy list of values, but it is not comprehensive or exhaustive, so feel free to add your own values to the list.

Record your identified values in your journal and label them with one, two, or three stars: important, very important, and most important.

Values:

Acceptance

Accessibility

Accomplishment

Adaptability

Affection

Appreciation

Approachability

Assertiveness

Assurance

Attentiveness

Awareness

Balance

Belonging

Bliss

Bravery

Calmness

Camaraderie

Carefulness

Cheerfulness

Clarity

Closeness

Commitment

Community

Compassion

Competence

Completion

Composure

Confidence

Connection

Consciousness

Consistency

Contentment

Contribution

Cooperation

Courage

Courtesy

Creativity

Credibility

Curiosity

Dependability

Depth

Desire

Determination

Diligence

Discipline

Drive

Duty

Effectiveness

Efficiency

Empathy

Encouragement

Endurance

Energy

Enjoyment

Enthusiasm

Excellence

Excitement

Expressiveness

Exuberance

Fairness

Faith

Family

Fearlessness

Fierceness

Fitness

Flexibility

Fluency

Focus

Fortitude

Freedom

Friendliness

Friendship

Fun

Generosity

Giving

Grace

Gratitude

Growth

Guidance

Happiness

Harmony

Health

Helpfulness

Honesty

Honor

Hopefulness

Humility

Humor

Imagination

Independence

Individuality

Inquisitiveness

Insightfulness

Inspiration

Integrity

Intellect

Intelligence

Intensity

Intimacy

Introspection

Involvement

Joy

Kindness

Learning

Liveliness

Longevity

Love

Loyalty

Mastery

Maturity

Meaning

Mindfulness

Motivation

Open-mindedness

Openness

Optimism

Organization

Patience

Passion

Peace

Perceptiveness

Perseverance

Persistence

Playfulness

Pleasantness

Pleasure

Pragmatism

Presence

Reasonableness

Reflection

Relaxation

Reliability

Resilience

Resolve

Resourcefulness

Respect

Responsibility

Restraint

Reverence

Satisfaction

Security

Self-control

Selflessness

Self-reliance

Self-respect

Sexuality

Sharing

Simplicity

Sincerity

Skillfulness

Spirituality

Stability

Strength

Success

Support

Sympathy

Teamwork

Thankfulness

Thoroughness

Thoughtfulness

Timeliness

Trust

Trustworthiness

Truth

Understanding

Usefulness

Virtue

Vision

Volunteering

Warmheartedness

Willfulness

Willingness

Wisdom

Wonder

Youthfulness

Zeal

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.